I BOOMER

p.d. taylor

Boomer as "Zip"

In spite of ourselves, it looks like the most nick-named generation in history has picked up a new one. Apparently we’re now Zoomers – Boomers with Zip. No less a dialed-in cultural commandante than Moses Znaimer describes the archetypal Zoomer, - himself - as “having the body of a 65 year old, the mind of a 45 year old, the libido of a 25 year old and the heart of a teenager.” Boomers with Zippos, maybe…to light a stick of strawberry incense right after sparkin’ up a medicinal fatty. Strictly for the glaucoma and arthritis, you understand.
For those of you who have been living under a media blackout rock for the past 40 years, Znaimer is the visionary broadcasting magnate behind Toronto’s CITY-TV, Bravo, Space, Canadian Learning Television, Star!, Fashion, Book, Movie Television, CourtTV Canada, SexTV and all the MuchMusic cable services to name but a few. Early in his career he learned there was gold in them thar Boomers. Setting up shop originally at 99 Queen Street East, his radical CITY-TV introduced the infamous, groundbreaking “Baby Blue Movie” – soft core porn - to late night Toronto television screens. He pioneered the Music/News/Movies format that quickly caught the attention of young teen and 20-something Boomers. Even the building itself held a bit of a counter culture pedigree, having previously housed the Canadian version of New York City’s famed Electric Circus, a multi-floored, theme-roomed, psychedelic fun house that seems somewhat quaint and all “let the sunshine in” when juxtaposed against a 21st. Century state of mind.
Znaimer, unlike so many misguided executives from any number of industries over the years, still believes that aging Boomers represent a very powerful, lucrative and still capable of trendsetting demographic that is totally underserved.
My Mom is a card carrying member of CARP – the Canadian Association of Retired Persons. She is also my biggest fan and since I write this column she wanted to hip me to the latest evolutionary change for us Boomers, the leading wave of which will hit 65 in about 3 years. Ever the leader, Moses Znaimer is doing his part on the cultural cutting edge by acquiring a controlling interest in CARP. As Executive Director and Board Member he believes the organization has the potential to be the leading advocate for the interests of his Zoomer peeps and can be as powerful, influential and aggressive a force as AARP, its U.S. counterpart.
Zoomers? I don’t know. It’s clever enough from a branding perspective, I suppose and I want to thank Mr. Znaimer for the vote of confidence, but zip is another story. Like him, I still imagine l’m 18 and ready to party like, it’s 1969. I’ve got all the mileage, however, my 50-plus years on this planet warrant. But there’s mileage and there’s mileage, y’know? These aren’t little old spinster lady from Grinderswitch just back and forth to church on Sunday morning miles. No, my friends, a good chunk of these were 1970’s miles. Any of you who were there will know what I’m talking about. Stop trying so hard to keep that “who me” look pasted on your face. I wasn’t the only one at the Pop Festival dancing on top of that school bus. Send the grandkids out of the room and do some fessin’ up. I can imagine some of you staring at your feet trying to ignore the issue, but in the bad old party years, if we were staring at our shoes it was to make sure we didn’t throw up on them. Tony Lamas were expensive even then and hurl plays havoc with ostriche hide.
While I’m definitely feeling my age, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to jump in on a pick-up softball game anytime, but know full well I’d pay dearly the next day for those precious 7 innings.
“Hey, it’s a sunny day and there’s still beer in the cooler – let’s play nine!”
A collective groan erupts from the dugout and no, that creaking isn’t the weathered bench but the players’ joints. All those snapping ligaments and tendons sound like Spike Jones and his City Slickers doing “Flight of the Bumble Bee.”
“Who has the A535?”
“There’s a 45-gallon drum on the back of my pick-up. Go sit in it ‘til it’s your turn to bat.”
CARP is an apropos acronym for old farts. I do a lot of carping around the house. Just ask my Mrs. I have to admit to my carping’s increasing and intensifying with age, so the handle works like stink. But is this what we’ve come to – named after bottom feeders? I wonder if Japanese Zoomers call themselves, Koi? It’s much nicer than carp, don’t you think? Way better T-shirts, too.
To join Mr. Znaimer’s Zoomer revolution, zip to: www.carp.ca
You want zip? How about roller skating on grass? The photo shows your humble scribe, aged 6, decked out for a costume gala as 1950’s animal star Zippy the Chimp complete with “Bay City Rollers” trousers and, yes, actual, old-school, clamp-onto-your-shoes-with-a-key roller skates. With me is fellow entertainment icon of the decade, Mickey Mouse.


It is not how old you are, but how you are old.
- Marie Dressler (“Tugboat Annie”)